Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP)—A man who police say skipped out of paying for a prosthetic leg has been arrested.
Legal experts say he didn’t have a… you know what, let’s just move on.
BELFAST, Northern Ireland, March 27 (UPI)—A researcher at Queen’s University Belfast says crabs and other crustaceans are capable of feeling pain.
Dramatists worry that this news could lead to a Spongebob Squarepants version of “The Merchant of Venice”.
NEW YORK (AP)—A New York businessman is launching a new kosher tequila in time for Cinco de Mayo.
The new drink threatens the market share of the more traditional Gin & Jews.
BERLIN (AP)—Researchers in Germany have used a modern medical procedure to uncover a secret within one of ancient Egypt’s most treasured artworks – the bust of Nefertiti has two faces.
Scholars say this phenomenon is actually very common among well-bred society women.
Israel approves Netanyahu cabinet
Says it looks nice with dining room table
LONDON (AP)—G-20 protesters clashed with riot police in downtown London on Wednesday, breaking into the heavily guarded Royal Bank of Scotland and smashing its windows.
Banking officials argue that G-20 was a perfectly legal Bingo play, but protesters argue that the same old lady keeps winning every time, and something is clearly fishy.